A cappella
by ThatsNotLukePerry
Summary: The Dunder Mifflin employees attend Andy's Here Comes Treble reunion concert. When his Sebring lease runs out, Michael attempts to find a replacement. General spoilers, through episode 4.03, Launch Party. Set between episodes 4.03 and 4.04, Money.
1. Cold Open

**COLD OPEN — MAIN OFFICE  
**JIM is sitting at his desk. PAM is leaning on JIM'S desk, facing the opposite direction. DWIGHT is sitting at his desk. JIM and PAM are talking. JIM is in mid-sentence.

**JIM  
**... so anyway, my cousin sent me this new computer game that is completely awesome. I've been playing it nonst—

**PAM (slightly exaggerated)  
**Ohh, so _that's_ why we were late to meet my parents for dinner the other day.

**JIM  
**Yeah. You know what — I'm totally sorry about that.

DWIGHT looks up from his computer.

**DWIGHT (loudly)  
**What computer game?

**JIM  
**Um ... Halo? You ever heard of it?

**DWIGHT (defiantly)  
**Ever heard of it? _(snorts)_ I only started the Lackawanna County Paintball Association Semiannual Competitive Halo Tournament. _(looks back at computer screen for two beats, then looks back up at JIM)_ Wait. What are you talking about? They don't make Halo for computers.

**JIM  
**Well, apparently they do. Because I have been playing it for like two weeks.

**DWIGHT (dismissively)  
**Doubtful.

**JIM  
**No, seriously. It's a new test release version. My cousin works for this computer magazine, and they got an advance copy or someth—

**DWIGHT  
**Fine. Prove it. I want a copy.

**JIM  
**IIII don't know if that's a good idea. My cousin will be pretty mad if it gets out. He could get in a lot of trouble.

**DWIGHT (very seriously)  
**Jim. I swear to you I will keep it guarded with my life.

**JIM (thinks for a few seconds)  
**Okay. Fine. I'll e-mail it to you. _(types DWIGHT'S e-mail address and presses Enter)_ There.

JIM and PAM look at each other for several seconds as though they have a secret.

**DWIGHT (agitated)  
**This file doesn't work. Nothing happened when I opened it. I knew you were a liar.

**JIM (surprised)  
**I don't know. It works on my computer. I'll have to ask my cousin.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — JIM in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**JIM  
**I actually _do_ have a cousin who works for a computer magazine. And he actually _did_ send me a file. _(beat)_ Buuut, the file is a program that allows you to control the computer of the person who opens it. So, yeah. I guess it _is_ a game. _(beat)_ A game that I will have a lot of fun playing with Dwight. _(slowly smiles)_

**  
Cut to MAIN OFFICE  
**JIM is sitting at his desk. DWIGHT is standing in MICHAEL'S office with the door open and his back to the doorway. PAM walks toward DWIGHT'S desk from the break room. SHE looks at DWIGHT'S computer screen.

**PAM (casually/faux seriously)  
**Uh, hey, Dwight. That's kind of a weird background you got there.

**DWIGHT  
**What?

DWIGHT turns around, walks toward his computer and sees his background has been changed to a crude, but clear picture of Darth Vader riding a pink unicorn in front of a rainbow. Camera zooms in on his computer screen.

**DWIGHT (angrily)  
**What is this? What is going on? _(camera pans to JIM and zooms in. HE is trying not to laugh. Camera pans back to DWIGHT, then zooms out to show both JIM and DWIGHT)_

**JIM  
**What?

**DWIGHT (even more angrily)  
**Someone changed my background to a picture of Darth Vader riding a pink unicorn.

Camera pans to MICHAEL, who walks in and quickly sees what is on DWIGHT'S computer screen. HE looks disgusted/confused, turns around sharply and walks back into his office.

**MICHAEL (disgustedly)  
**Ooookaaaay, Dwight.

Camera zooms out to show PAM walking casually past JIM'S desk.

**JIM (quietly, to PAM)  
**Darth Vader riding a pink unicorn?

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — PAM in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**PAM  
**Playing online mini golf got boring. So I learned Photoshop.

**  
Cut to OPENING CREDITS**


	2. Act 1

**  
EASE IN — MICHAEL'S OFFICE  
**It is the next day. MICHAEL is sitting at his desk unsuccessfully attempting to spin a gyroball. HE is talking to RYAN on speakerphone and is not paying very much attention.

**MICHAEL (absentmindedly)  
**... they say your wrists have to be strong to use these gyroballs. Or is it Greek. Like, yeeroballs? Jan and I went to this awesome Greek place yest—

**RYAN (exasperated)  
**Dammit, Michael. How hard is it to pay attention for five minutes?

**MICHAEL  
**I'm just saying ... whatever they're called, these balls are really hard to use.

RYAN sighs.

**RYAN (in a resigned tone of voice)  
**That's what she said.

**MICHAEL (excitedly)  
**Ryan! Yes!

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — RYAN in HIS OFFICE**

**RYAN  
**I've been forced to learn a bunch of things really quickly when dealing with Michael. For instance: Any time Michael gets off track, you say, "That's what she said." Snaps him right back to attention. Look — it's a stupid, juvenile joke, and it's really not that funny. I know. He said it _all the time_ in Scranton. Sometimes I'm like, "I can't believe Michael still thinks this is so funny." But then I remember ... it's Michael.

**  
Cut back to MICHAEL'S OFFICE**

**RYAN  
**Okay, last thing. The corporate lease on your Sebring is up next week. If you want to continue to have access to a company car, you're going to need to pick out a new model—

**MICHAEL  
**Say no more. I already know exactly what kind I want.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — MICHAEL in HIS OFFICE**

**MICHAEL  
**I was watching this fascinating show on MTV the other day — "My Super Birthday" or "Super Teenage Birthdays" or something. _(shakes head)_ Anyway, this kid was on there, and he threw this awesome birthday party. And at the end, his parents got him this really nice Mercedes convertible with his initials stitched in the seats and everything. And it was cool because everyone ran out to the parking lot and saw the car and started freaking out and yelling and saying how cool he was. And even though some of them had just been talking about how much they hated him and how he was a jerk, as soon as they saw the car they realized they actually liked him. (beat) That's how I want it to be when people see me in my new car.

**  
Cut back to MICHAEL'S OFFICE**

**RYAN (forcefully)  
**A Mercedes? Michael. No. I shouldn't even be dealing with this. This is ridiculous. My assistant has a list of cars you can pick from. She's faxing it to you right now. You need to pick one, let her know which one you want, and she'll have someone in accounting here make the arrangements.

**MICHAEL (sounding defeated)  
**Okay. Fine.

**RYAN  
**Goodbye, Michael. _(hangs up)_

**MICHAEL (wistfully)  
**He can't stay mad at me. We'll always have that connection. Like The Beatles. Or Sonny Liston and Cher.

**  
Cut to MAIN OFFICE  
**ANDY is singing "Kiss the Girl" from "The Little Mermaid" while making his typical accompanying hand gestures. HE is wearing tan khaki pants, a light orange dress shirt with faint black windowpane checks and a darker orange and black diagonally striped tie. JIM is looking at HIM with a mix of bewilderment and amusement. JIM gets up and walks to ANDY's desk.

**ANDY (singing in falsetto voice)  
**Sha la la la la la my oh my—

**JIM  
**"Little Mermaid." Nice. You guys sing that at Princeton? In Here Comes Treble?

**ANDY (pleased JIM remembers Here Comes Treble)  
**You KNOW it. _(beat) (face turns serious as HE realizes the last part of JIM'S question)_ Wait. What?

**JIM (in a mock confused tone)  
**I said, "Nice. You guys sing that in college?"

**ANDY (agitated)  
**No. That's not what you said.

**JIM (slowly)  
**Umm, I said, "Nice. You guys sing that in Here Comes Treble?"

**ANDY (still agitated)  
**No.

**JIM (with mock surprise)  
**Oh, oh. Yeah. "At Princeton." "You guys sing that at Princeton?"

**ANDY  
**Cornell, Tuna. Not Princeton. Cornell.

**JIM (holding back a laugh)  
**Wait. You went ... to Cornell?

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — JIM in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**JIM (shaking head)  
**It is _so_ easy sometimes.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — ANDY in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**ANDY (agitated, but trying to remain calm)  
**Cornell ... is ... not ... Princeton. It's not that hard. Oh, yeah, sure, they're always in like the top three in those rankings every year. So. What. Their male a cappella group SUCKS — we totally dominated them every year at the Ivy League competition. And they always wore these stupid, coordinated outfits with matching shirts and ties. _(camera pans down to ANDY'S clothes and back up to his face)_ Laaame.

**Cut back to MAIN OFFICE**

**ANDY  
**So here's the deal: My Here Comes Treble graduating class is having a Northeast reunion tour. I can't go — anger management training took up all my personal days — but they're making a special stop in Scranton so I can do one show with them. _(looks away in thought)_ Those guys are the best. _(looks back at JIM)_ Bros for life, right?

JIM nods slowly.

**ANDY  
**So, you comin', Tuna?

**JIM  
**Uhh, yeah, I don't—

**ANDY  
**Oh, and it's totally cool if you bring Pam. _(camera pans to PAM at her desk. SHE is eavesdropping on JIM and ANDY'S conversation. Camera pans back to ANDY'S desk)_ I can get you guys a VIP pass, too, so don't worry about that.

Camera pans back to PAM at her desk and zooms in. SHE gets up and starts walking over to ANDY'S desk.

**JIM (subtly mocking ANDY)  
**A VIP pass. ... For the Scranton show. ... Of your Cornell a cappella group's Northeast tour.

**PAM (sweetly)  
**We'd love to come, Andy.

SHE smiles at JIM. JIM looks back at PAM and rolls his eyes. ANDY doesn't see them look at each other.

**ANDY (in high-pitched voice)  
**Swee-eet.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — PAM in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**PAM  
**Remember that day when Andy kept hitting on me? Because of Jim? Yeah. _(beat)_ I figure making Jim go to this show is a good start toward paying him back. _(two beats) (faster, almost under her breath)_ And, also, it kinda sucked when nobody came to my art show. So I feel like if Jim and I go, maybe more people from the office will go, too...

**  
Cut back to MAIN OFFICE**

**PHYLLIS (sweetly)  
**Andy, can I come? Bob Vance and I love concerts.

**KEVIN (slowly)  
**Yeah, I wanna come. Dude — we should _totally_ team up. You could sing for Scrantonicity. Right now I sing _and_ play drums ... but I'm really not a very good singer.

**STANLEY (monotone)  
**And Andy is a regular Sting.

Camera catches CREED walking over to ANDY'S desk in the corner of the shot. Camera pans to focus on CREED.

**CREED  
**What's this about a concert? I want in.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — CREED in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**CREED  
**I used to be in a band back in the '60s. The Grass Roots. _(while HE is talking, cut to B-roll footage of CREED playing electric guitar in the deleted scenes of episode 2.11, "Booze Cruise")_ We toured with a bunch of other big-time bands, like The Doors. _(beat)_ I actually just went to a Doors concert a few months ago. Really took me back...

**  
Cut back to MAIN OFFICE**

**ANDY (loudly)  
**Okay, okay, everyone is invited.

Camera pans to DWIGHT, who is sitting at his desk. HE scoffs.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — DWIGHT in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**DWIGHT  
**I would NEVER watch Andy Bernard and his Ivy League _(mockingly)_ "bros" sing a cappella songs. NEVER. _(beat)_ Unless they sang Journey. _(beat)_ Or Billy Joel.

**Cut to COMMERCIAL BREAK**


	3. Act 2

**  
EASE IN — 3RD FLOOR HALLWAY  
**MICHAEL is waiting for the elevator to go down to his car. HE is half-turned to talk to the camera, which is following him as the elevator doors open and HE steps inside.

**MICHAEL (excitedly)  
**All right, we are off to Northeast Pennsylvania's largest Mazda dealership. I got the list of approved cars from corporate, but it didn't have any convertibles on it. I asked them why, and they said having a convertible was no longer _(in a mocking tone)_ "a justifiable expense." I said, "What about a compromise?" So, yeah, I found a convertible that was really affordable. And this way everyone will stare at me when I pull up to red lights.

**Cut to TALKING HEAD — RYAN in HIS OFFICE**

**RYAN  
**My assistant was supposed to deal with all this. But when she told me Michael wanted to get a _(eyes widen)_ "Mazda Miata so everyone would stare at him," I called him personally and approved it. Kelly thought about getting a Miata last year. But she didn't because she said it was too girly. _(beat)_ Kelly.

**Cut to PARKING LOT  
**MICHAEL sees KEVIN standing outside his Sebring. As HE gets closer, HE realizes KEVIN is leaning on the passenger-side window.

**MICHAEL  
**Kevi— no, no, get off there. What are you doing? You're gonna break the window. _(KEVIN looks confused but stands up)_ Wait, where's Darryl?

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — DARRYL in WAREHOUSE OFFICE**

**DARRYL  
**Mike came down here earlier and said he wanted me to come be _(uses air quotes)_ "his muscle" for negotiating at the car dealership. _(smile creeps across his face)_ Then he told me he was getting a Mazda Miata and that he was pretty sure being seen in it on the way back could help me _(uses air quotes)_ "seem cool." (smiles and shakes his head) As much as I would have _loved_ to experience all that, we got a crazy-busy day today. So I told my man Kev he should go instead.

**  
Cut to KITCHEN  
**ANDY is sitting at the table in the corner alone, eating lunch. CREED, holding a pad and pen, walks in, looks around furtively and sits down across from ANDY.

**CREED  
**So, give me all the details on this little concert.

**ANDY (excitedly)  
**Oh, yeah. Definitely. Let's see ... my buddy Clay is flying in from Boston tonight. Gonna crash at my place. He just separated from his wife, so that's pretty sweet. Just like old times, right? _(CREED looks disinterested/impatient)_ The other guys are driving in tomorrow, so after the concert we'll probably hit up some downtown action, maybe find some karaoke. _(breaks into slight, but detectable smile)_ Maybe some Home Depot, some Bed Bath and Beyond. I don't know. Don't know if we'll have enough time. _(CREED looks at ANDY blankly. ANDY'S face immediately turns back to serious)_ No but seriously, probably meet some hot _(high-pitched voice)_ chii-cahs. Midterms just got done for U. Scranton, so the pond is gonna _stocked_ if you know what I mean.

**CREED (smiling and nodding)  
**What about the concert? Time? Place? Cost?

**ANDY  
**Oh, yeah, okay. _(CREED opens pad and begins writing)_ Um, it's at 8:30 at this place on Hemlock Street. I can't remember the name right now, though.

**CREED  
**But how much does it cost?

**ANDY  
**I don't know, like five bucks a person, I guess. I can totally get you in free though, dude. So if that's what you're worried about—

**CREED  
**No, no. Not necessary. _(smiles secretively)_ That is all I need. _(gets up and walks out of kitchen)_

**ANDY (turning to camera and pointing with his thumb at CREED)  
**Great guy.

**  
Cut to MAIN OFFICE  
**CREED is at his desk working intently on something on his computer. HE hits Enter and camera zooms in on the screen, which reads "Your eBay items have now been posted for bidding." HE stands up, walks to the color printer and picks up the first piece of paper that comes out. Camera zooms in on the paper, which contains eight identical fake tickets. The lettering is a funky, '70s-looking font. The tickets read, "Acappella Concert. Friday Night. 8:30. Somewhere on Hemlock St, Scranton. $39.99. NO REFUNDS."

**  
Cut to ANNEX  
**TOBY is sitting at his desk, working on his computer. KELLY walks over from behind her wall and leans against the corner of TOBY'S desk.

**KELLY (perkily)  
**Hey, Toby.

**TOBY (quietly)  
**Oh, hey, Kelly.

**KELLY (very quickly and even more perkily)  
**Okay, great news! Ohmygod, you are _so_ not going to believe this! I was at my parents' house last weekend, right? And my mom asked me to go pick my sister up at her friend's house. So I was like, "Okay, I guess I'll go." Because, I mean, she was making dinner for our whole family, so I figured I could help her out, you know. So I went to pick my sister up, and her friend's brother was there, and ohmygod, he was _so_ cute. So I started talking to him and my sister was really embarrassed, but I was like, "Shut up, you are so annoying." So I found out he just graduated from college and he's living at home, and I mean, normally I would be like "Ew," but I just read this article in Newsweek about how people are living off their parents for longer and longer, so I was like, "Okay, I guess it's not so bad." So anyway, to make a long story short _(TOBY briefly looks directly into the camera)_, I just called him and we're going on a date to Andy's concert thing. Yay! _(KELLY walks away)_

TOBY gives resigned/defeated look to camera.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — TOBY at HIS DESK**

**TOBY  
**Kelly said she read something in Newsweek. There is no way Kelly reads Newsweek. _(holds up copy of Us Weekly with picture of Lauren Conrad from "The Hills" on cover. Camera zooms in on headline, which reads, "Rich Parents: How the Stars of 'The Hills' Afford Their Extravagant Lifestyle")_

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — KELLY in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**KELLY  
**When Ryan broke up with me, he told me he hated that I read celebrity magazines all the time. He told me I should try reading magazines like Newsweek and Time so I could be more cultured or whatever — because he said I was immature. Well, first of all, _he_ had a problem with being _premature_. And second of all, those magazines are _so_ boring. If I wanted to learn about the news, I'd watch "The Daily Show" or something. So now I just tell people I read those magazines. But I don't. That way I look more mature. _(claps hands together giddily)_ I'm so smart.

**  
Cut to MAIN OFFICE  
**ANGELA is standing at JIM'S desk. JIM is sitting in his chair. DWIGHT is sitting at his desk. ANGELA and JIM are in mid-conversation.

**ANGELA  
**... as the ranking official on duty, it is your job to punish him.

**JIM (amused)  
**Okay, Angela. Two things. One: We are not in the army. And two: Thaaat is ridiculous.

**ANGELA (frustrated)  
**He went behind my back and violated my duties as party planning committee chair.

**JIM  
**Seriously, I think you're overreacting. He invited people to his concert. On a Friday. After work.

ANGELA harrumphs loudly, spins on her heels and walks back to her desk. Several seconds later, DWIGHT gets up and walks to ANGELA'S desk.

**DWIGHT  
**I can punish him.

**ANGELA  
**No you can't, Dwight. You can't do anything about it. You don't have any authority here anymore. Jim is the number two now. You're just a worthless paper salesman.

DWIGHT looks at ANGELA defiantly for a couple seconds, then glances at camera, turns and walks to JIM'S desk. ANGELA watches DWIGHT walk away.

**DWIGHT  
**Jim, you have to do something about Andy Bernard. His disobedience cannot be allowed to go unpunished.

JIM looks down at his desk for a beat in thought, then back up at DWIGHT.

**JIM  
**You're right. Thing is, I'm reeeally busy this week. So if I delegate this responsibility to you, do you think you could handle it?

**DWIGHT  
**I can. And I will.

Camera pans to ANGELA, who clearly is listening. SHE rolls her eyes and turns back to her desk.

**JIM  
**Perfect. Okay, let me think about how we need to approach this for a little bit, and I'll get back to you.

**DWIGHT  
**Thank you, Jim. You will not regret this.

JIM glances at camera.

**  
Cut to COMMERCIAL BREAK**


	4. Act 3

**  
EASE IN — PARKING LOT OF MAZDA DEALERSHIP  
**MICHAEL and KEVIN are walking around parking lot. A SALESMAN approaches them.

**SALESMAN  
**So, fellas. What can I do ya for today? We've got this sweet new CX-9 SUV over here. _(points)_ Loaded with a sporty V-6—

**MICHAEL  
**No, no. I know what you're doing. You're trying to sell me.

**SALESMAN  
**I'm just here to make sure _you_ get the most out of your Mazda experience.

**MICHAEL (curtly)  
**I don't need your help. I already know exactly what I want. A red Miata. With cup holders.

**SALESMAN  
**Well, all our cars have cup holders, sir, so we got ya covered there.

**MICHAEL  
**Good.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — MICHAEL in DEALERSHIP PARKING LOT**

**MICHAEL  
**Yeah, I did some research on how to buy a car. It said you should never be nice to car salesmen. Tell them what you want and make them accept your terms. Do. Not. Negotiate. _(beat)_ Harrison Ford, "Air Force One."

**  
Cut back to DEALERSHIP PARKING LOT  
**MICHAEL, KEVIN and the SALESMAN are standing next to a yellow Miata. It is the only convertible in sight.

**SALESMAN  
**All right, we don't have any red Miatas in stock, but lucky for you, we _do_ have this baby in yellow.

**MICHAEL  
**Great. I'll take it.

**KEVIN  
**But Michael, I thought you said you weren't going to give in unless you got exactly what you wanted.

**MICHAEL  
**Sh— Gah— That's not the point, _Kevin_. There's obviously nothing he can do about it.

**KEVIN  
**You could wait for them to get a red one in.

**MICHAEL (dismissively)  
**That's so stupid. Then I can't get it today. Why are you even here?

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — KEVIN in DEALERSHIP PARKING LOT**

**KEVIN  
**Why _am_ I even here?

**  
Cut to MAIN OFFICE  
**ANDY gets up from his desk and walks over to ANGELA'S desk, where SHE is sitting.

**ANDY  
**So, Angela, can I count on your _(rolls 'R')_ RSVP to this weekend's festivities?

**ANGELA  
**No. You cannot. I have a very busy weekend. (beat) And I don't care for music.

**ANDY (clearly disappointed)  
**Oh. _(gives a half-smile)_ Okay.

ANDY starts to walk back to his desk. ANGELA looks up and realizes DWIGHT has been eavesdropping on the conversation.

**ANGELA (loudly)  
**Andy, wait. I changed my mind. I would _love_ to go to your concert.

ANDY subtly pumps his fist.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — ANGELA in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**ANGELA  
**I used to hate Andy. _(beat)_ Actually, I used think Andy was a despicable human being. _(beat) (looks past camera in thought)_ But you know what? He never killed one of my cats in cold blood.

**  
Cut back to MAIN OFFICE**

**DWIGHT  
**Jim, may I speak to you in the break room please? _(JIM rolls his eyes, gets up and follows DWIGHT to break room. Camera films them through window)_ How should I proceed with punishing Andy?

**JIM  
**Yeaah, you can't punish him.

**DWIGHT (upset)  
**Do _not_ do this. Do not go back on your word.

**JIM (exasperated)  
**I only said that so you wouldn't bother me. (beat) Aaand, Andy didn't do anything wrong.

DWIGHT glares at JIM for several seconds.

**DWIGHT  
**You will regret this, Jim.

**JIM (nonchalantly)  
**Okay.

DWIGHT glares at JIM for several more seconds, then storms off in a huff.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — JIM in CONFERENCE ROOM**

**JIM  
**I have a dream, and it is this: One day, I will think of a way to simultaneously prank both Dwight and Andy. _(beat)_ And have them both blame each other.

**  
Cut to SALES OFFICE inside MAZDA DEALERSHIP  
**The SALESMAN is sitting behind a desk in his office. MICHAEL and KEVIN are sitting on the other side of the desk. MICHAEL is leaning back in his chair, with his hands behind his head and his feet up on the desk.

**MICHAEL  
**All right, so. _(beat)_ Let's get down to it. I looked up some figures on the ol' Internet, and I'm not paying one cent more than this.

MICHAEL writes something on a piece of paper, folds the paper and slides it across the desk to the SALESMAN as KEVIN looks over his shoulder.

**KEVIN (quietly)  
**Michael, that's more than the sticker price.

**MICHAEL  
**You know what, Kevin? I'm sick of all your negativity. All you're doing is making a fun day not fun at all.

**KEVIN  
**But Mich—

**MICHAEL  
**Shuuut it.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — MICHAEL in DEALERSHIP LOBBY**

**MICHAEL  
**Yeah, I came up with that number after extensive research. Pretty sure Kevin didn't do any research, so what the hell does he know? _(beat, as HE listens to something cameraman says)_ Kelley Blue Book? Never heard of it. _(beat, as HE listens to something else cameraman says)_ Consumer Reports? No. Didn't use it. They don't really know what they're talking about.

**Cut back to DEALERSHIP SALES OFFICE  
**MICHAEL and the SALESMAN are standing up, shaking hands. MICHAEL obviously is pleased with himself. SALESMAN is giving a look as if to say "I can't believe it. This is my lucky day." KEVIN still is sitting, looking disappointed.

**MICHAEL (in weird voice)  
**Well, thank _you_, good sir. It was my pleasure. It will be nice to have a trusty American-made car for a change. _(MICHAEL and KEVIN leave the office) (quietly, to camera)_ What a sucker. He didn't even try to negotiate with me. MAN, I'm good.

**Cut to TALKING HEAD — SALESMAN in OFFICE  
**SALESMAN smiles broadly, laughs and shakes his head

**Cut to COMMERCIAL BREAK**


	5. Act 4

**EASE IN — A SCHOOL PARKING LOT  
**OSCAR; STANLEY and HIS daughter MELISSA; KELLY and HER DATE; and PHYLLIS and BOB VANCE are walking along a sidewalk from the parking lot to the front entrance of Marian Catholic School. Each pair — and OSCAR — is walking and talking separately, but the group is loosely joined as a whole. A sign by the front entrance reads "Marian Catholic School, Grades 4-8." KEVIN is standing at the top of the steps by the front door eating breaded fish out of a Long John Silver's box.

**KEVIN  
**Are you guys _sure_ this is the right place? This is a _middle school_.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — STANLEY off to side of SCHOOL ENTRANCE**

**STANLEY  
**Yes, I knew this concert was going to be at a middle school. My daughter Melissa went to school here. I brought her with me tonight because my wife is at her book club. I heard Melissa talking on the phone with some boy the other day about their plans for Friday night. Do you think I am going to let her stay home by herself so her and her friends can have some boys over and do God knows what? Uh-uh. I don't think so.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — KELLY off to side of SCHOOL ENTRANCE**

**KELLY  
**I _did not_ know the address Andy told us was a middle school. I thought it was going to be at like a club or a bar or something. This is so embarrassing. _(beat)_ I am _so_ embarrassed. I _know_ he was _so_ into me, but now he is going to think I'm _such_ a loser.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — KELLY'S DATE off to side of SCHOOL ENTRANCE**

**KELLY'S DATE (looking very nervous/unsure how to act in front of camera)  
**Uh, Kelly called me up and asked me if I wanted to go to a concert tonight. I was going to make up an excuse, but she was talking so fast that I literally could not get one single word in. _(beat)_ So here I am.

**  
Cut to SCHOOL PARKING LOT  
**JIM and PAM get out of JIM'S car and walk along the sidewalk to the front entrance of the school. First, they are holding hands, then JIM puts his arm around PAM'S shoulder and lovingly squeezes her closer to him. Nobody else is standing outside. As they near the steps, a top-down convertible drives by and beeps. They turn to look and realize MICHAEL is driving. HE is wearing gold-rimmed aviator sunglasses and is resting his left arm along the door frame and his right hand on the wheel in an obvious attempt to look cool. PAM and JIM turn to look and each other, mouths agape.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — JIM and PAM off to side of SCHOOL ENTRANCE**

**JIM (trying to play it straight)  
PAM (clearly amused)  
**_(simultaneously)_ Wow.

**  
Cut to SCHOOL PARKING LOT  
**THREE YOUNG TEENAGERS are walking in the opposite direction from the school past MICHAEL as HE is parking his new car.

**YOUNG TEENAGER #1 (loudly, to his friends)  
**Ha. What a tool.

MICHAEL looks puzzled.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — MICHAEL standing next to his car in PARKING LOT**

**MICHAEL  
**Those kids are so clueless. I've got some news for them. According to last month's issue of FHM, aviators, or aves as they're commonly known, are _the_ new cool trend in eye fashion. And my new car ... I think that speaks for itself. _(two beats)_ Actually, it doesn't. Well, not literally. But if it did, I think you know what it would say. _(lowers voice)_ Zoom zoom. Mazda. _(smiles goofily)_

**  
Cut to SCHOOL GYMNASIUM  
**Here Comes Treble is wrapping up a performance of "Crazy Train" by Ozzie Osbourne on stage at one end of the gymnasium, which is partitioned off by pull-out, folding wall. Each member is wearing khaki pants, topsiders and a t-shirt with the well-known tagline "Ithaca is Gorges" on the front. A group of about 50 people, composed mostly of random, neighborhood adults, is sitting in folding chairs and watching. A table with coffee, water, punch and assorted snacks has been set up in the back. All Dunder Mifflin office employees except CREED, TOBY and DWIGHT are there.

**ANDY (on stage)  
**All right, everybody, we're gonna take a break for a few minutes. _(crowd begins to stand up)_ But we'll be right back with some more sweet tuneage in a few. _(jumps off stage and walks over to ANGELA, who is standing alone)_ Hey, Angela. Whaddya think?

Camera zooms past ANGELA to doorway, where DWIGHT has just entered and is looking around. HE spots ANGELA and ANDY talking and walks toward them.

**ANGELA  
**It was—

**DWIGHT (overeager)  
**Hey, guys. What's up? Andy, love the concert, man. You guys rock.

**ANGELA (annoyed)  
**Hello, Dwight.

**DWIGHT  
**Hello, Angela.

**ANDY  
**So, anyway, Angel—

**DWIGHT (even more overeager)  
**Hey, Andy, guess what, man? Me and a couple of my friends are going out, getting _drunk_ tonight. You are totally coming, man. It's gonna be awesome.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — DWIGHT in HALLWAY**

**DWIGHT  
**You're right. I was doing what some people refer to as _(bleep)_-blocking. Why? Do you think a wild animal would sit around and let some other stupid wild animal who sings stupid songs and wears shirts that aren't even spelled right move in on his woman? Hell no. He would pounce on him and tear him to shreds. But because I unfortunately don't have that option, I must resort to secondary methods. It's called being resourceful.

**  
Cut back to GYMNASIUM  
**ANDY is standing at the table drinking punch. JIM and PAM are standing nearby, talking. Camera quickly pans to MEREDITH in the corner, who is pouring liquor from a flask into her plastic punch cup. Camera pans back to ANDY. MELISSA walks up to ANDY.

**MELISSA (obviously trying to sound more mature)  
**So are you like the head of the group, or what?

**ANDY (flattered)  
**I am indeed. And may I just say, _(sings in falsetto voice)_ darling, you look wonderful tonight.

MELISSA smiles flirtatiously and touches ANDY'S arm. DWIGHT appears seemingly out of nowhere and walks up to ANDY.

**DWIGHT (whispering in ANDY'S ear)  
**She is hot. You should definitely go for it. _(gives creepy DWIGHT smile and walks away)_

Camera pans to JIM, who glances at camera with his traditional lopsided, closed-mouth look. HE walks over to ANDY and MELISSA.

**JIM  
**Hey, Melissa. Can I talk to Andy for a minute?

**MELISSA (giving JIM dirty look)  
**Whatever. _(to ANDY)_ I'll be over there. _(points to chair in the audience)_

**ANDY  
**Dude, it's not going so well with Angela, but _(points with thumb in MELISSA'S general direction)_ that chick is hot. Prit-tee sure I can hook up with her.

**JIM  
**Yeah, that's Stanley's daughter.

**ANDY  
**So? Stanley's cool, right? He won't care.

**JIM  
**She's in high school ... so yeah, he probably will. _(beat)_ Don't think you want to go through that again. _(looks at camera)_

Camera pans to STANLEY, who is watching ANDY and JIM with an upset look on his face. ANDY gives STANLEY a half-nod and smile. STANLEY looks even more upset.

**  
Cut to COMMERCIAL BREAK**


	6. Act 5

**  
EASE IN — GYMNASIUM  
**Concert has ended and most people already have left or are filing out. ANDY and several other members of Here Comes Treble are talking near the stage. PAM walks up to ANDY, with JIM a few steps behind her.

**PAM  
**Hey, Andy. You guys have plans? 'Cause Jim and I were thinking about going to a bar downtown, if you guys want to go. _(beat)_ I think they have karaoke on Friday ni—

**ANDY  
**Done and done.

Camera pans to JIM, who gives a look as if to sarcastically say "Great." Camera pans to MICHAEL, who has put his aviators on and is standing nearby, obviously listening to PAM invite ANDY and his friends. ANDY walks over to ANGELA, who is standing by the door talking to OSCAR. DWIGHT is lurking a little way away. OSCAR silently waves goodbye to ANGELA and ANDY and leaves.

**ANDY  
**So, Angela, a bunch of us are going out—

**DWIGHT (still overeager)  
**Where we going? I already called my friends and told 'em I'm hangin' with the work crew tonight.

ANGELA rolls her eyes.

**ANGELA  
**Good night, Andy. Good night, Dwight. _(walks out)_

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — ANDY in HALLWAY**

**ANDY (slowly)  
**Do I think Dwight has been acting weird? Noooo. _(beat, as he realizes what's been going on)_ Yessss. _(louder)_ What the hell?!

**  
Cut to SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF DOWNTOWN BAR  
**JIM, PAM, ANDY, ANDY'S 3 FRIENDS and DWIGHT are walking to the entrance of the bar. They spot MICHAEL standing outside by the entrance, trying to look casual. HE is still wearing his aviators.

**JIM  
**Oh, hey, Michael.

**MICHAEL  
**Hey, guys. Didn't know you were coming here. Just here with some of my crew. Jan's out of town, so we gotta hit the bars. It's man law. Like in that beer commercial. _(smiles nervously/awkwardly)_

**JIM  
**Your ... crew. Who?

**MICHAEL  
**Oh, they're, uh, inside.

**JIM  
**Then whyyy are you standing out here?

**MICHAEL  
**I was smoking. Cigs. Cigarettes. Gotta get that nicotine fix.

**JIM  
**You don't smoke.

**MICHAEL  
**Wha? Uh—

**JIM  
**Just come inside, Michael.

**MICHAEL  
**Okay.

**  
Cut to INSIDE of BAR  
**Everyone is sitting at a booth in the corner of the bar. ANDY is scanning the crowd.

**ANDY  
**Ohhh, hey-o. Ten. O. Clock. _(everyone except JIM and PAM turns to look)_ Tuna, it's wingman time.

PAM smirks at JIM.

**JIM  
**Yeah, I don't think so.

**MICHAEL (desperate for acceptance)  
**Let's do it, Andy. Me and you. I'm an excellent wingman.

**JIM  
**Perfect. Much better choice.

**PAM  
**Yeah, he does have the whole "Top Gun" thing going for him tonight.

**MICHAEL (taking it as a compliment)  
**Yes. Thank you, Pam. See, Pam knows the dealio.

**ANDY (still looking around)  
**No, better idea. Kar-a-o-kee. Who wants to join?

**PAM  
**Jim loves karaoke.

**JIM  
**No, I, uh, no—

**PAM  
**Oh, come on. Stop being so modest. You'll be great.

JIM stares at PAM for several seconds. PAM subtly winks back. JIM gets up and follows ANDY to the microphone. ANDY picks a song, and "Heaven Is a Place On Earth" begins to play.

**ANDY (singing)  
JIM (halfheartedly following ANDY'S lead)  
**Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? Ooh, heaven is a place on earth. They say in heaven love comes first. We'll make heaven a place on earth. Ooh, heaven is a place on earth.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — MICHAEL standing next to BOOTH**

**MICHAEL  
**I love Cyndi Lauper.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — DWIGHT outside BAR**

**DWIGHT  
**Heaven is a place on earth? Um, no. Heaven is obviously an otherworldly location that only the most valiant and worthy battle-tested heroes can reach. That is the dumbest song I've ever heard. _(scoffs)_ Stupid. No wonder it wasn't popular.

**  
Cut to TALKING HEAD — ANDY'S FRIEND standing next to BOOTH**

**ANDY'S FRIEND  
**Andy is the man. Love that guy. _(turns away from camera and yells)_ Yeah, bro! Whooo!

**Cut to TALKING HEAD — PAM outside BAR**

**PAM (contentedly)  
**Payback is ... amazing. _(beat)_ I can't believe I forgot my digital camera.

**Cut to SIDEWALK OUTSIDE BAR  
**Camera zooms in and focuses on a streetlight that has a clock face embedded into the light pole. Clock reads 1:50 a.m. Camera pans to PAM and JIM, who are walking to JIM'S car. PAM is quite tipsy.

**PAM  
**Are you coming over?

**JIM (teasingly)  
**I mean, I have to make sure you don't, you know, pass out on the living room floor. So yeah, I think I am obligated to. _(chuckles)_

**PAM (giggling and louder than SHE realizes)  
**I think we can do something _else_ on the living room floor.

JIM eyes widen. HE looks surprised, but pleased.

**JIM (flirtatiously)  
**Hmmm. Intriguing...

JIM opens passenger door for PAM. SHE is about to climb in, but SHE pulls JIM to her by grabbing his shirt collar with both hands and kisses him deeply for 5 or 6 seconds. SHE gets in the car. JIM shuts the door, then realizes the camera has seen everything. HE looks embarrassed/flushed for a second, then shrugs to the camera, breaks into a big smile and gets in the car.

**  
Cut to COMMERCIAL BREAK**

**  
CLOSING SCENE — OUTSIDE MICHAEL'S CONDO  
**JAN pulls into the driveway of MICHAEL'S condo and sees the Miata. SHE looks confused/disappointed, gets out of her car and walks to the driver's side of the Miata. SHE sees the aviators hanging from the visor, pauses for a beat, then rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

**Cut to END CREDITS**


End file.
